i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
