He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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