meet me or not, i'm out of control
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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