I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
