apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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