Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
