he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We're too hungover to prance.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
