I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
