Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
