ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
