you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize