They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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