so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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