I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
