I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
