I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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