when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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