LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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