I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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