bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
