omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
