Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
two words: eviction party
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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