if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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