so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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