I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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