Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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