holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this boner is exhausting
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
