Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
