At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
