Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
