I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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