do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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