so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
what day is it and did you see me today?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
