Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
