Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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