i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
