I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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