I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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