Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
