last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
