So drunk its hurt
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
