MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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