I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
