If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
