that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
