38 yer olds are good kisserssss
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
