Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
