first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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