yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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