dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
