Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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