I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
