We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
