Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
