do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Barsexuality is the new black.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize