1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
