Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
