i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
