How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
