We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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