Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
