he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
