i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
