the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
