She's JV to your varsity
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
