Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
