She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize