Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
two words: eviction party
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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