Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
