You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
