Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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